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WORST Movies of 2017

12/23/2017

1 Comment

 
Let's be truthful we all enjoy sinking our teeth into a little slice of negativity - indeed its part of  human nature to occasionally relish in failure rather than always celebrate success. That said 2017 has proven such a positively delightful year that rummaging through the cinema scraps has been a  harder challenge than in previous years. Although there aren't many contenders for Worst of the Year, the few that find themselves on this list were pretty abysmal. As always a purely personal and completely biased view - a few are certain to rattle your cage - but please bear with!

Dishonourable Mentions:

Kong: Skull Island

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Undoubtedly, Kong: Skull Island is one to watch on the big screen.  The relentlessness impact of the repeatedly short and action packed scenes is exhausting. It plays very much like a theme park ride, ups and downs with exhilarating and energetic moments throughout, but at the cost of its characters which are corny and sterotypical - ironically feeling like the one dimensional animatronics we see along the ride.

Power Rangers 

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Cheap and cheerful, Power Rangers flew well under the mainstream radar. Aside the team's uneven development and a number of poorly edited scenes, 2017's Power Rangers undoes the cheerful childlike cheesiness of the original and goes the complete opposite direction. Ultimately - and unexplainably - this movie has me wanting more of the ridiculous Power Rangers Dino Charge, something I never thought I would find myself saying. 

10. Atomic Blonde 

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Charlize Theron carries the weight of Atomic Blonde almost singlehandedly during this routine and humdrum outing - unfortunately the big name supporting cast can't atone for the poorly told story. It brags an all too familiar, if not overused soundtrack and an over complicated plot line - either I'm just stupid or something about this cumbersome spy flick doesn't add up. ​

9. The Mummy 

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No, unlike every moviegoer/critic this year I couldn't find a strong enough reason to absolutely despise Tom Cruise's The Mummy. That being said, this Scooby-Doo spoof missed almost every mark that could've made it an exciting launch into Universal's Dark Universe. Wasted talent and a meringue storyline, the result a goofy theatrical re-imagining of Michael Jackson's Thriller video.  ​

8. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle 

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Welcome to the Jungle launches a weak plot and hints at a handful of game levels that are never set in stone, unlike the superior, tense and much loved 1995 original, making it very hard to compare the two in any meaningful way.  An all new cast and an all new concept; yet Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle feels like a huge missed opportunity. Boasting the same game just from the inside, Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle runs primarily on star power and certainly not creativity. 

7. Mindhorn 

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Has anyone even heard of this one? Mindhorn is dull and generic - a bit like the faded star its based upon. It may offer the odd laugh and some acceptable performances, but no matter how much get up and go Mindhorn has it can't escape the fact its so unbearably boring.

6. Fast and Furious 8 

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Furious 8 delivers in areas but ultimately runs out of fuel. The three recent predecessors in the series helped shift gears (as it were), focusing not only on the cars but the people driving them. Fast and Furious 8 takes all that fans have learnt to love about the series and shatters them into a ridiculous, senseless and cringeworthy mess - or one spectacular car crash.

5. King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

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Cheap script writing and less than mediocre acting turn this into one giant romp, making the Legend of the Sword very hard to swallow. An utter embarrassment not only itself as a movie, not only to the reputation of the great Guy Richie, but also to the Arthurian legend it has used as inspiration. Looks like this sword should have been left in the stone...

4. The Greatest Showman 

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Aside from The Greatest Showman's entrancing premise, this is a cheap, offensive musical that is built upon the lies of its lead character - making money from the vulnerable and marginalised. Though its charming cast and incredible soundtrack lure you in, don't be fooled by this schmaltzy circus and its deceiving show - this picture promotes the rise of one of the nastiest characters in show business.

3. Transformers: The Last Knight

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At one point in the distant past Michael Bay may have wanted to create a genuinely entertaining spectacle, however Transformers has become Hollywood's biggest cash cow, and Bay is has clearly be commissioned to carry on milking until it's dry. Unfunny, unoriginal, uninteresting, Transformers: The Last Knight is a fifth instalment of an artistically dead franchise that shows no sign of heading off to its grave.

2. The Emoji Movie 

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Sony's desperate attempt to recycle any current animation for a quick cash grab. Hitting the exact same notes as Inside Out, Wreck it Ralph and The Lego Movie, The Emoji Movie is the laziest, most uninspired kids caper in the industry so far. Sadly this is an entire story fuelled by product placement and bombarded at the younger generation of consumers. The Emoji Movie is a toxic phenomenon and a cinematic disaster - luckily I was able to glaze over, making the experience a tad less excruciating. 

1. Flatliners 

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Essentially Flatliners isn't an ambiguous film it's just plain stupid. It boasts to be an updated reimagining of the eerie 90's original, yet is too afraid to explore either the scientific or religious possibilities for the afterlife. Was it worth reviving Flatliners? No, it really wasn't. Flatliners is by far the cheapest, most irrelevant of Sony's recent concoctions - don’t even bother with the difibularator this ones dead upon arrival. 
1 Comment
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6/8/2018 08:14:30 am

I also have my own list of the worst movies but I guess I am not really an authority on the subject. For anyone to say that a certain movie is bad, he must have finished watching it first to be able to give a fair review. I don't really finish watching all the movies I rate "poor". Even so, I think a good movie should have a grasp on whoever is watching it, enough to skip a meal or a bathroom break just to be able to keep on hold. I have seen the worst disrespect anyone could ever give to a movie.

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